Monologue

assalamualaikum
It has been a long time since the last time I write (not copy and paste) in this blog. Dont really have time, as I've devoted most of it to reading. Reading ENGLISH books to be specific. Wonder why??

Actually I am now struggling to improve my English, as in my first year I didnt improve at all. Yeahhhh, maybe I did improve a LITTLE bit, but for someone studying in a place where everybody speaks English, you wouldnt have expected that kind of improvement.

After a year went off, I realised that I did not spent enough time to speak with native speakers. Always get along with my Malaysian friends (which is good, but not good if TOO much), even during lectures. My tutor group was the only exception in which I didnt sit next to my fellow Malaysian. Simply because there wasnt any, other than myself.

All this regret (for not improving my English) started when I was back in Malaysia for summer holiday. One day, a friend of mine gave me a link to a blog (belongs to a college student). That blog was in English. When I read one by one of the many entries, it was full of hatred towards Islam, and those who do amar ma'ruf nahi mungkar. THe writer didn't admit though. What did I do in response to that? I did NOTHING...and couldnt do anything. That was the saddest bit.

I am not a good english user, not a good writer either. Explain about ISLAM in English to this bloke??? "tak reti la plak...". Why shouldnt you?? Arent you studying in ENGLAND???
You should ashame of yourself. An Islamist, graduated (not yet but insyaALlah in the near future)from the place of non believers...sounds great isn't it??...but you can't even defend your religion in front of secularists...WHat kind of Islamist are you??? Look at the secularists..They are great English speakers, excellent writers, good at thinking skills and all other soft skills....Look at yourself now. What are you good at??? Conducting usrah in MANGLISH?? Can you??I doubt it.....in proper English??? Definitely not.

What did you do in England then??? "main-main ke????".....You should have learned all the skills that is useful to Islam....Always thinking that you are in a comfort zone arent you????.........You did not indulge yourself in evil activities...Was it true?? Yes, maybe true if you are referring to the big sins, but what about small sins?? You still committed that right??

Stop wasting your time. Use it to learn skills which will be useful to Islam instead.

Remember, whenever you waste a minute, you are not just wasting your time, but also you are actually slowing down the process of restoring Islam to be the world order once again. Isn't that a big sin?....HOW MANY HOURS DID YOU WASTE IN A WEEK ??

I closed the browser of that blog, with a new mission and vision. I shouldnt be a weak Muslim!! That was my promise to myself.

May Allah give me strength. To all my friends out there, please pray for me.

p/s Written in bold was my monologue after reading that blog.